A Harvard psychiatrist has suggested asking a six-word question that could help strengthen relationships that are struggling.
Dr Ashwini Nadkarni, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says people frequently ask how to feel closer to their partner, and her advice is surprisingly simple.
Just ask: ‘what makes you feel most loved?’
She says the answer can reveal emotional needs even long-term couples may not fully understand.
‘It helps couples understand each other’s love languages, what each person needs to feel special and cared for,’ Nadkarni told Reader’s Digest.
Even highly compatible couples can differ in attachment styles and love languages, which can affect how they give and receive affection.
Some individuals may exhibit an anxious attachment style, craving reassurance, while others prefer independence and emotional distance.
Securely attached individuals, she explained, tend to communicate more directly and flexibly.
A Harvard psychiatrist has suggested asking a six-word question that could help strengthen relationships that are struggling
No matter where someone falls on that spectrum, being explicit about those needs can make relationships run more smoothly, Nadkarni said, because it clarifies what helps each partner feel emotionally grounded and connected.
She explained that the conversation can surface a wide range of preferences, from wanting practical support to craving emotional closeness or physical touch.
‘In asking this, you’re learning what makes your partner feel truly noticed and secure,’ she said. ‘It gives you insight into those core areas that help someone feel valued.’
Nadkarni believes the question can foster a level of intimacy that might otherwise take years to develop.
She also recommends revisiting the discussion periodically, noting that what people need from a relationship can evolve.
Life changes, such as stress, health challenges, or becoming a parent, can alter how someone experiences and expresses love.
‘Even couples who have been together for decades can discover new layers in their relationship,’ she said.
A team of Stanford researchers has also looked at relationships, finding a simple question to avoid an awkward date.
Join the debate
How do you think couples can truly understand each other’s needs for love and connection?
As Valentine’s Day approaches, researchers from Stanford may have discovered the best way to avoid an awkward date night argument by simply asking one question
They suggested asking: ‘Can you tell me more about why you think that?
This question, according to the team, makes the person asking more positive to the other individual.
The research suggested that the person being asked the question feels less negativity, becomes more open-minded to opposing viewpoints, and even sees those holding conflicting opinions more favorably.
Using experiments where over 100 university students were confronted with differing viewpoints, either during an online chat or while watching a video, researchers discovered that simply ‘feeling heard’ sparked more positivity and interest.
Even if the two people never agree on a specific topic, asking someone to lay out the key points of their argument made participants feel like someone was interested in their opinion.
On a date, especially early ones in a new relationship, differences in opinions can pop up fast. These can range from different tastes in movies to more serious debates over partisan politics.
However, the research suggested that, instead of just immediately sharing why you think the opposite, ask your date a similar question, such as ‘I’d love to hear more about what draws you to that.’
This shows you’re interested in them as a person, not just trying to prove a point, making the conversation flow better, and leading them to view you more positively as a potential partner.
