Forget 'The One': Most people fall in love TWICE in their lifetime, study finds

From The Notebook to Titanic, many classic rom–coms centre on a singular, defining love.

But a new study suggests that in the real world, ‘The One’ should actually be extended to ‘The Two’.

Experts from The Kinsey Institute have revealed that most people fall in love twice in their lifetime.

For their study, the team surveyed more than 10,000 singletons about their experienecs with ‘passionate love’.

They found that almost a third had been in love twice, while 11 per cent even said they’d been in love four or more times.

However, it was less happy news for 14 per cent of respondents, who said they’d never experienced passionate love.

‘People talk about falling in love all the time, but this is the first study to actually ask how many times that happens across the lifetime,’ said Dr Amanda Gesselman, lead author of the study.

‘For most people, passionate love turns out to be something that happens only a few times across their entire life.’

Many classic rom–coms centre on a singular, defining love. But a new study suggests that in the real world, ‘The One’ should actually be extended to ‘The Two’. Pictured: The Notebook

From songs to TV programmes, falling passionately in love has been widely documented for centuries.

However, until now, how many times people actually experience it has remained a mystery.

‘Relatively little is known about how often people experience passionate love across the lifespan, or how this frequency differs by demographic characteristics,’ the researchers explained in their study, published in Interpersona.

‘If passionate love is a foundational element of romantic development, which in turn positively predicts mental and physical well–being, then it is important to understand who experiences it and how often.’

To get to the bottom of it, the researchers enlisted 10,036 single adults aged 18 to 99.

The participants were asked: ‘In your lifetime, how many times have you been passionately in love?’

The results revealed that 14.2 per cent had never been in love, while 27.8 per cent had experienced it once, 30.3 per cent twice, 16.8 per cent three times, and 10.9 per cent four or more times.

Unsurprisingly, age was positively associated with the number of passionate love experiences.

From songs to TV programmes, falling passionately in love has been widely documented for centuries. Pictured: Titanic

How often do people fall in love?

Never: 14.2%
Once: 27.8%
Twice: 30.3%
Three times: 16.8%
Four or more times: 10.9%

‘Older participants reported slightly more passionate love experiences than younger participants,’ the researchers said.

The findings suggest that, contrary to popular belief, most people don’t have soulmates.

Instead, they find multiple people to love throughout their lifetimes.

‘The finding that most participants had experienced passionate love an average of twice suggests that passionate love is common – in that it is experienced at least once by most people – but it occurs infrequently on an individual basis,’ the researchers added.

‘These results highlight the episodic and sometimes elusive nature of passionate love.’

The study comes shortly after research revealed the main factors contributing to remaining single.

According to experts from the University of Zurich, people with higher levels of education, who live with their parents, or who are male are most likely to stay single.

‘Our results demonstrate that both socio–demographic factors such as education, and psychological characteristics such as current well–being, help predict who will enter into a romantic relationship and who won’t,’ co–lead author Michael Krämer said.

WHAT TACTICS DO PEOPLE USE TO STOP THEMSELVES CHEATING?

Researchers at the University of New Brunswick asked 362 heterosexual adults how they had staved off temptations to cheat while in a relationship.

1. ‘Relationship enhancement’

Seventy-five per cent of the study’s respondents, who were aged between 19 and 63, selected ‘relationship enhancement’ as their primary tactic.

This ploy included things like taking their partner on a date, making an extra effort with their appearance around them, or having more sex with them.

2. ‘Proactive avoidance’

The second most-popular was ‘proactive avoidance’, which involved maintaining distance from the temptation.

As well as physically avoiding the temptation, people also avoided getting close in conversation with that person.

3. ‘Derogation of the temptation’

The third and final tactic used by people was ‘derogation of the temptation’, which involved feelings of guilt, and thinking about the tempting person in a negative light.

Participants reported flirting less when they applied the final, ‘derogation of the temptation’ strategy.

But none of the strategies had an effect on the levels of romantic infidelity, sexual infidelity, and whether the relationship survived.

Psychologist Dr Alex Fradera, who was not involved in the research, said the findings show little can be done once feelings of temptation have crept in.